Rolling with the Homies

December 14th, 2010

Location:  My bed under layers of blankets

Time: 7:53 p.m.

I wonder if stuff like this goes down at home but I’m just totally unaware because it’s home and therefore seemingly normal (despite the ubiquitous bumper sticker on the back of every Volvo and Prius; for those of you not in the know:  “Keep Portland weird”):

Chinese people, usually the more senior of the population, walking around clapping.  It keeps the mountain lions away, of course.

Chinese people walking backwards.   While clapping.  I imagine the clapping in this case to be a signal that they are backing up – much like large vehicles with huge blind spots and fork lifts.  Or, it could be to keep those pesky mountain lions at bay. (At this point I’m hoping you’ve got the movie allusion, otherwise it looks like I’m trying way too hard.)

Children as human wrecking balls.  Okay, this might be more of a one-off.  I had (thank God that’s in the past tense) this student and he drove me to child abuse.  He liked to lie on the floor and roll over the other children.  I put him in time-out.  He rolled away.  I tried to have him stand next to me – he flopped to the floor and commenced rolling.  Once he stopped at my feet and so I kicked him.  I mean, it was more like a nudge – a very firm nudge. With my foot. So he rolled away.  On to more children.  That’s about when I gave-up and let him roll and wreck at will.  I didn’t like any of those kids anyway so why should I care if the human wrecking ball annihilated their toes? Or faces?  Um, seriously, faces. He rolled up onto them and forced them to fall over and then he kept rolling over them.

Babies with slit pants.

Babies with slit pants defecating in the middle of the street.

Work-out/dance sessions by uniformed staff in the middle of the sidewalk and/or lobby.  

Chicken carcasses in grocery stores.  I can’t even begin to imagine what they use that for.  I need to start taking more pictures so you can get the whole effect.

Men shaving on the metro. Because pulling out your electric razor on a crowded train is totally normal.

This list could be a lot longer but I think I’ve become desensitized to many things and so I have ceased to notice.  Maybe this means I am becoming one of them. (Because that doesn’t sound racist, Kirsti).
 
If I come home and start rolling over people, please do something. I do not recommend kicking.

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