The Body Bags Keep Piling-Up.

February 23rd, 2011
Location: Coffee Bean
Time: 12:59 pm

If I had a stick handy, and if I were inclined to actually act out my rage like a homicidal maniac, I would shove it through someone’s eye.

Yeah, it’s one of those kinds of days.

It started with me not waking up to go for a morning run.  Despite my best intentions, running in the morning never seems to work out for me.  Mostly because I just refuse to get out of bed hours before I actually am required to leave my house. Today would have been a good day for that run.  Apparently I have a lot of suppressed rage.

At any rate, I left at my usual time – 9:07.  Somehow, I always manage to hit the elevators at this exact time.  7 minutes later than I would like.  This means I have to hoof it to the metro at a pace slightly faster than comfortable.  If I were anyone else, this would be a trot but since I am me and inclined to a very brisk, long-stride gait it’s just a shade slower than a morbidly obese man’s sprint. Maybe faster. Actually, let’s be real – it’s faster.

Once at the metro I couldn’t just pass through the turn styles because my blue plastic piece of crap decided to just up and quit working for me yesterday.  When I brought it up to the counter to figure out what was up, the androgynous he/she simply turned the screen towards me and lifted his/her shoulders in a shrug.  I’m pretty sure it received the stoniest face God ever deemed to bestow on my features.

That left me metro cardless this morning, so I had to stop by the customer service and buy a new card to load.  The couple in front of me apparently could not figure out what they wanted and were entirely oblivious to the girl tapping her foot behind them.  When they finally put their collective pea-sized brains together and came up with a life-shattering answer, they then could not find the proper change and as they riffled through a purse they managed to spill the entire contents of the woman’s wallet at my feet.

You know how the Bible says if you even think it, you’ve committed it?  2 people are currently dead.  Also possibly mutilated.  

These lost moments not only gave me time for an exercise in creativity but they also included two separate metros to pass over my head.

By the time I hit the interchange at Yishan I knew I had 2 minutes to book it over to line 9 or I’d get stuck waiting 7 minutes for the next train.  I opted for the escalator over the stairs and got stuck behind 5 people who decided to stand on the mandated walking side.  The hold-up started with a tiny little thing in black tights, furry uggs, and a bejeweled silver bow.  Her parents are currently mourning her death and authorities are wondering what kind of sick person would shove a glittery bow into a person’s nose.

I reached the end of the interchange as the doors to my train were coming to a beeping close.
I am not proud of the words that came out of my mouth and even caused a few bystanders to turn my way, but that’s how it stands.

I made it to school and got through my lessons relatively unscathed.  Somewhere between the 5’s and 6ers the English-speaking teacher came up to me with a stack of papers.  They were evaluations for my 8’s who would be graduating on the morrow.  She needed them filled out. Today.  I told her that was impossible as my driver was scheduled to pick me up at exactly noon and I wasn’t coming back in the afternoon.  With my 6ers teacher boring my skull with her killer eyes I pulled out my cellphone and checked to see if the driver could return with the papers.  No problem was the reply. I entered the 6 class late and I tell you, if looks could kill this lady is for sure a sniper.  

After class I stood outside waiting for the driver who explicitly made a point of writing out 12 on a paper and making sure I understood he’d pick me up at noon.  So there I stood and surprise, surprise! No driver. Again.  It’s either no driver at all or a 40 minute wait for a driver.  I maintain that this is a waste of my life and I’d just as soon take the bus if they can’t get there any earlier.  If they could be there at noon or even 12:10 I’d gladly take the proffered ride.  As Chen made a point of saying he’d get me at noon today, I waited for him. When he didn’t show I called Rosa only to discover she told him not to come until he dropped off the afternoon teacher at 1:30.  One mother f’in thirty.  While this phone conversation was taking place my bus zoomed on past.

Is it considered premeditated if you’ve only had 30 minutes to plan it out? 

I decided not to risk encountering Rosa and opted for the Coffee Bean.  To top my day off, they are still out of white chocolate, just as they were 3 bloody weeks ago.

Oh, wait, no.  That’s not the cherry. How could it be? The day is far from over.  For example, I got just a call saying that since Chen dropped Dina off early he’s not returning to JJY, so those papers that have to be filled out today?  I get to take the bus back and hand them off myself.

My history thesis my last year of undergrad was focused on murder, death, and dissection in the 17th century.  That knowledge and my own twisted mind have made for one rather morbid day. I don’t know how many people I’ve beheaded, stabbed, choked, castrated, or cut into millions of pieces but it’s looking like a black and blue, entrails hanging, blood gushing, severed limbs kind-of mess.

Wait. Wait. There is a Chinese man singing along to “Hey Jude”. Rather loudly. 

And the day is saved.

1 comment:

  1. Lol. I had a terrible day and got a good laugh out of what you wrote. Wonder if that makes you want to cut off my head....